I was thinking about the issue of gender identity last night (as I’m sure many people in my community were) and I was struck by this thought: if the body is not a relevant factor in this whole discussion, then why is it so important to people to transform their bodies to bring them into alignment with their internal life? I mean, why have an operation to change your sex if the body is irrelevant?
Regardless of our intellectualizing, we are still animals living a physical existence on a physical plane. We can no more separate our perception of the world from our physical reality than we can separate our thoughts from the convoluted lobes of gray matter that fill our skulls. We are both physical and metaphysical, both components are inseparably intertwined. I am not defined by my uterus, naturally, but to say that my physical, woman’s body hasn’t profoundly informed my entire experience of life (from the way I see color to the way I experience pain) is disingenuous at best. I am many things, not the least of which is a biological woman. From the moment of my birth that reality has shaped my life, regardless of whether I wanted it to be so or not. The body, and all its attendant pleasures and pains, strengths and weaknesses, is a fundamental part of the human experience. Our bodies have their own stored memory and wisdom and whatever we do to change them, the change is only effected from that moment forward; it is not possible to enact retroactive physical change, therefore our past is always part of us.
I respect everyone’s right to alter their bodies as they see fit, for any reason they deem appropriate, but we cannot alter our DNA, we cannot alter the truth of the impact our bodies have had on us even from the moment of conception. Of course, we are more than our DNA, and even within that scope there is great variance, but it is foolish to deny its import, as well.
A dear and wise friend said to me today that distinction is not discrimination. I agree with him. This friend is one whom I would consider very much a soul mate, though we are not related, nor do we have the same physical gender, nor gender identity. Obviously our physical bodies are not the whole story of who we are, otherwise we would have nothing in common. But we do have a lot in common despite many differences between us, both of nature and of nurture. Still, we have many profound differences too and one of those is our respective experiences in our bodies, his male, mine female. I was always a tomboy, I practically used to live in my roller skates and jeans and I collected frogs and climbed trees and did all sorts of things girls weren’t traditionally supposed to do. He was always interested in dressing up in his mother’s high heels and was (and still is) very sensitive and emotional, things boys aren’t supposed to be and do. Still, the world saw him as a boy (he considers himself to be a Two Spirit, in the way of Native American tradition) and saw me as a girl and we have had to make our choices about how we live our lives with that as our history. His spiritual path is not the same as mine. Our paths have many occasions of overlap, but we also honor and discuss the differences between them.
I would love to see a world in which difference is not feared and is, in fact, celebrated; where we strive for better integration between our intellectual and animal selves, our etheric and physical bodies (without denying either of them), where community doesn’t tend toward homogeneity, and where we can each, respectfully, allow each other private space as needed, without insecurity.
I know the community I am part of right now shares these ideals with me and, collectively and individually, we do our best to move the world in that direction. It’s a long, hard slog, I must say, but I still believe in it.
You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one…
Wonderful blog~ Its good to see some perspective on this issue~
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The body is in fact tremendously relevant to the whole thing – partly because transgender bodies are discriminated-against, horrifically-stigmatized, traumatized bodies. This is a fact that many people in this whole, long, miserable debate – in which trans women’s womanhood has been time and again heartlessly dug up for question, traumatically examined, and arrogantly rationalized away – have been trying very, very hard to ignore. Cissexual women have without so much as a second thought been intellectually raping trans women – and “rape” is not a word I use lightly.
As long as the solution ignores trans women’s need to be recognized AS WOMEN, not as second-rate, inferior, constantly-scrutinized simulacra of women, this conflict will continue because, as my friend Autumn Sandeen so cogently said:
The years are gone when trans women like me said nothing, and did nothing to help ourselves. We are tired of words, of betrayals, of indifference. We have the strength of new faith, and the strength of ourselves; and we will not give up until we see full equality.
In fact, all women’s bodies are “discriminated-against, horrifically-stigmatized, traumatized bodies” and have been for millennia. To imply that women born with vaginas and/or wombs are somehow privileged is, frankly, ludicrous. Even in our own theoretically forward-thinking nation, women have had the right to vote for less than 100 years and we still don’t have the right to control our own bodies in every state. If miscarriage can be classified as a criminal act, there is no privilege in having a uterus. There is tremendous power, and also tremendous liability and danger in having a vagina, in having a womb. I’m not sorry I was born the way I was and I don’t think it’s remotely reasonable that I should be. I refuse to apologize for my body; it is inseparable from my being.
That said, I assign no rating or rank to any woman. I embrace ALL my sisters and am happy to circle with them freely. I also need space to explore the experiences I have had my whole life in my female body that contains a vagina and a uterus. My first period, dealing with burgeoning breasts in school, enduring cramps during PE, and being overlooked or dismissed by teachers are all factors that have contributed to the shape of my life. Maybe these seem minor, but they are part of my personal human experience and sometimes I need to spend time exploring those things with women who’ve had that experience. Not every woman actually wants to do that. I am also an ovarian-cancer survivor. My other friends with ovaries do not have that experience so, while they care about me, they do not have the need or desire to explore how that has impacted their lives. That’s fine, there’s room for everyone. There are enough common experiences to being a woman that we don’t need to have only one space to address them all. We women are not at war with each other, we should be supporting each other because we already have so many obstacles to overcome just to be considered full-fledged, thinking people. My trans sisters are my sisters, I am woman and they are woman, and I allow space for all my sisters (and brothers, for that matter) to explore their distinct stories in the way that supports them. I merely require the same consideration.
To quote Suffragist Alice Paul:
I always feel the movement is a sort of mosaic. Each of us puts in one little stone, and then you get a great mosaic at the end.
And…
The Woman’s Party is made up of women of all races, creeds and nationalities who are united on the one program of working to raise the status of women.
Just in North America, there are many kinds of women: African-American women, Asian-American women, Latina women, white women, lesbian women, bisexual women, straight women, rich women, middle class women, poor women, Christian women, Pagan women, Muslim women, disabled women, pregnant women, breast cancer surviving women, women veterans, intersex women, trans women, etc. etc. etc.
And in those groups there are subsets, and many overlapping groups. Such as, there are visibly disabled women and invisibly disabled women; physically disabled women, and mentally disabled women. And, there are disabled African American women, disabled Christian women, disabled women veterans, etc. etc. etc.
Trans women are even subsetted. There are some trans women vaginoplasties to feel comfortable in their own skin, and some who need orchiectomies to feel comfortable in their own skin, and some who need no genital surgery at all to be comfortable in their own skin, as well as those who need surgery to feel comfortable in their own skin but can’t afford it. And of course their are Latina trans women who need vaginoplasties, Pagan trans women who don’t need vaginoplasties, trans women veterans who need orchiectomies, and disabled women whose disabilities prevent them for having any surgeries whatsoever.
I guess my point is that there is a mosaic of women, each bringing their own stone to the mosaic trans women are just another of the mosaic of women, and as a group trans women aren’t a homogeneous group without diversity. Looking at all of women’s commonalities — our community of women’s commonalities — and embracing our diversity seems a better plan to me than highlighting our differences in a way that judges others and excludes many from the mosaic. We all have the opportunity to raise the status of all women.
I completely agree! I think we all need to work together to raise the status of women in the world – ALL women. We are not enemies, we are sisters, and what benefits one benefits us all in the long run. I don’t need to be just like another sister to feel safe and find healing for myself.
However, I do not think it benefits anyone to deny the staggeringly large numbers of women who have suffered sexual trauma the particular safe space they need for their own healing. Personally, I do draw strength and power from exploring and celebrating the blood mysteries of my own body that has been deemed “unclean” for so much of history, as well. I also believe in and participate in providing safe space for all women to gather together to celebrate the mysteries of womanhood.
If I may use Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs as an example, it states that safety is at the bottom of the pyramid of “needs”: fundamental to further progress. We can only achieve our meta-needs of fulfillment if we have first met our basic needs (food, shelter, safety), of which safety is the most basic. If one feels unsafe, it is irrelevant whether anyone else thinks we are or not. Fear is not a reasoned response, it is an instinct, and while I don’t believe in indulging fear, I also don’t think trying to force someone to feel unafraid works either. You can’t change someone’s ideology by force; on the contrary, applied force tends to entrench people more in their particular views. We can change people’s minds by being compassionate, though, and demonstrating our shared goals and needs. I think we can find unity in diversity, if we try, and that unity doesn’t have to mean homogeneity. I think there is room for us all to get what we need, and then some, if we can just stay focused on the goal rather than on divisiveness and accusations. In a world with so many variations, it is impossible to meet everyone’s needs in one go. That doesn’t make any individual’s needs unimportant, nor any group’s, it just means that we need to come up with a variety of solutions to address the complexity of our issues.
I am stating here, for the record and to whom it may concern, that I will not engage in a flame-war in the comments section of a blog post (or anywhere else, for that matter), because it truly serves no purpose. I respect that not everyone shares my particular point of view (of course not!) and I acknowledge everyone’s right to their beliefs and understanding.
Please, hear me and know this: I will not engage in ANY sort of war with you (whoever you may be) because I am not actually on an opposite side from you. I am not your enemy and I refuse to be forced into that role. I am not against anyone: trans-, cis-, or any other point on the continuum, actually. I AM against certain types of widely unacceptable behaviors, such as physically, sexually, emotionally, and/or verbally abusive actions. I am against disrespect and intentional cruelty. However, I am not actually against any person, even if I feel I must decry or attempt to halt their destructive actions.
I understand that this is a tremendously painful and difficult issue. I do not claim to have an answer. In my work as a priestess in my community, I am (along with my fellow clergy) attempting to provide healing for those who seek it. To date, we offer all-inclusive sabbat rituals, full-moon rituals for all self-identified men and women (separately), clothing-optional sabbats for cis-gendered women, and child-oriented sabbats for all self-identified families. After hearing the general cry of pain and need for healing surrounding gender issues, we are also in the process of creating MORE rituals centered around women’s mysteries for all self-identified women, though we already offer those almost every month. Angry accusations and recriminations directed toward us for providing space for cis-gendered women does not actually create a net gain for anyone, nor does anyone truly find healing by denying it to someone else. Not one transgendered person has actually asked us if we could create more space for that specific type of healing for themselves or anyone else, yet we are still working to create that, to the best of our ability. Because, you see, we are not enemies, you and I. And whether you see that or not, I will continue to do my work, attempting to facilitate healing for those who seek it; even if I get insulted and accused in the process. I know that those cruel words come from a place of pain and fear, and in understanding that, I also refuse to perpetuate cruelty with more angry words. I will not withdraw space for healing to those we already serve in my effort to create more space for healing to those who want more.
Ultimately, I and my coven are but 30 people in a particular pocket of the world. We hold an average of four rituals a month and none of us is paid for our work. We do it because we feel there is a need, because we care, and because we want to be of service toward the greater good in whatever small way we can. Mother Theresa famously said, “I can do no great things, only small things with great love.” I figure, if even she could only take on the world’s troubles in small bites, then surely it is ok for me to do the same.
I am doing the best I can. I am sincere. I am human.
I will continue to move forward with love, compassion, and integrity. If only we could all agree to do simply that, I think we could make a lot of progress and find a great deal of healing.